Categoría: English

Man asks woman out on a date. Woman meets man. Woman falls in love with man… and so the story begins to unfold.

It’s interesting how my life is constantly going in circles. Reading my old posts, I realize many of the same issues are still present in my life. Again I have fallen in love with a man and made him the center of my universe, to again end up resenting HIM for ME taking myself away from my own projects, needs and wants. If it feels hard for me, I can only begin to imagine how hard it must be for him to carry such burden. I can’t imagine it being easy being the center of someone else’s universe.

Of course, there are more factors at play. One the one hand, my needy I-want-a-prince-charming Colombian nature; On the other hand his both-men-and-women-are-the-same independent, cold Spanish culture. But deeper than those cultural differences, is the knowing that there is chaos inside of me. I have lost my north and only see him instead. This chaos is manifesting on my outer life, affecting inevitably our relationship.

I wonder if this repetitive cycle will ever break. What is the way out?
Sure I need to focus again on my life, prioritize my projects and do some exercise…

But what is it in my feminine nature that longs for that intense sacred union with the masculine, until there are no edges between us? Until the blazing fire of passion ends up consuming me whole. Like the moth that flies obediently to her death, allured by the light she can not avoid…

I feel like that moth, wanting to melt in the romance and forget everything else. Written like this, sounds like I’m using this fiery passion to escape the daily pains of reality.

Oh well, someday I’ll learn the lesson I hope, and trip with a different rock for a change.

In the meantime, I should definitely remember that it is my inner self that is in chaos due to the imbalance I brought myself into. It is not my lover’s fault. He’s not to blame, nor is my little inner-needy girl.

This is just life…

In my recent experience it has been interesting to find out that clarity is not all flauschy and beautiful. That resentment comes in realising the part I played in creating patterns, and situations in my life. A resentment that when unrealised, is projected outwards through the blaming of others.

As I realise that I am responsible for the creation of my situation, I resent my decisions. However, I find it a waste of energy to be in this blame and resentment for too long. I’d rather learn from my behaviour in a specific situation, in order to prevent future repetition.

A theme that comes to me now is related to my masculine energy. Throughout my life, I seeked constant validation from men. In this pattern, in the beginning everything works out fine and I receive the validation I seek. Later on, when they can no longer provide this validation, I’d often find myself in a messy situation of my own creation. I would often hand over my power and bypass my own needs, creating a dynamic from which resentment flourishes. This self-directed resentment is projected outwards towards them, given my lack of awareness when the heat is pumping through my veins.

I hear now the shout of every cell in my body asking me to make myself my priority, and cherish my power as sacred and non-transferrable. To firmly establish the intention of seeking this validation only in myself, in the form of self-love. The consistent practise of self-love fades away the need for validation in the first place anyway.

Here lies this blessing in disguise. This unpleasant situation where I find myself in now, is the key to freedom, through realisation, acceptance and compassion. The resentment gives way to compassion. There is no other way of learning. I don’t believe in failure, I never have. So why would I be all worked out because I’m learning? Between pleasantness and clarity, I choose clarity any day.

I fell like I’ve done it all wrong. I have bossily asked him to be the man, to carry the heavy stuff, to give direction to our lives, to build our house, take care of the finances, use his orientation to guide us. Then, I am not the perfect women. I ask him also to wash the plates, I don’t have nearly enough sex with him, I make his sexual confidence shiver, I emasculate him often… Indeed when he is coming from fear instead of love, my ego reacts and the vicious circle goes on.

After some beautiful words and shallow healing in between, the inner deep-rooted behaviours remain. He has so many qualities, patience, and a beautiful heart that I love so dearly. I wonder why do I choose to point out his weaknesses instead and actually sometimes create them too. I guess I have to learn by experience what the words in the manuals can’t teach. All this talk about sexual tantra when just in daily communication there is so much work to do first.

“La confianza da asco” we say in spanish.

I wish I can be the better person and start creating uplifting cycles. So much can be healed still.

When he asks why I test him constantly, I chose to react again. I ask him defensively when and how. I protect myself and my precious ego. I can’t remember now if I was actually thinking in that moment about the word emasculation or not. I must have had, yet I didn’t get out of that downward spiral cycle. I didn’t choose to be the better woman for my man.

I will from now on, firmly avoid asking him to wash the plates, asking him to do anything or trying to change him. I will study everything that constitutes emasculation and be aware to do the contrary. If I chose to be with this man, I also chose to treat him as a God!

Talking with my sister’s a topic that has been coming lately is that of abundance! We have been so conditioned to live in the scarcity mind-set that we are basically trained not to see the abundance in nature and life itself. Everything permeates abundance when we connect to that frequency!

I went through the process of spending all the money I had and experimenting what it was like to be without money, and the universe kept providing. I realized in my own experience that it is barely possible to not have enough, and often having way more than enough is the case. Last year, I lighted a candle, not knowing it was going to mean the end of my journey in Thailand.  The bathroom of the luxury bungalow burned and I got in debt. I came back to Europe to connect with the frequency of abundance, and what a journey it’s been.

I had a project in mind that I wanted to manifest, a beautiful nurturing project involving more people, a sacred space, and a high investment. An amount that I had never previously earned. I trusted and had absolute faith in the universe. I prayed and believed that if it was in my higher-self best interest it would manifest. Indeed it did. I opened the space, and the universe took care of filling it up, and with juicy bonuses, like my juicy loving boyfriend in Brighton.

I’ve been sharing my story and friends ask me to tell them how it’s done. This is not an exact mathematical formula that I can copy and paste for other’s to use. I can just use my words and splash them with this vibration hoping when someone reads a frequency resonates that they can pick up. It’s already inside of all of us.

Ultimately it’s about yourself, and the vibration you are holding within your space. Abundance is always there, and you are choosing what abundance you are inviting into your life at every moment. Maybe it is an abundance of debt, scarcity, or love. It can be anything from friendship and connection to finances. Therefore, analyzing what you are attracting into your life is the first step to start realising what beliefs your subconcious holds and are programming your mind.

You might think you want a lot of money with your concious mind, however your subconcious can be holding a different belief. It’s important to see what is actually happening in your life. Then going backwards from there, into a space of true reflection on the beliefs system your body holds to be true, since creation is occurring from there.

I personally had limiting believes about money. From childhood I created a believe where I equalled money to unhapyness. I still have lots of work to do in this regard. However, it wasnt until I identified this conditioning that I could start to replace it with beliefs I choose now from an adult perspective.

This is Laxmi, the goddess of abundance. I have her in my altar and light a candle to her in gratitude. This works for me, what symbols could you use that connects you to this frequency? The world is your playground! Ask and you shall receive! <3

Never ceases to amaze me how inconveniences that can seem so uncomfortable, end up being such blessings in disguise… After making a terrible and expensive mistake with my airplane tickets, I ended up having to take a flight to Berlin and stay there for the night. I lived in this MAGICAL city for a year in 2011 and ever since, it has always remained in a special corner of my heart. Coming back after 2 years was game changing.

Berlin was the first city I moved to once I started traveling five years ago, my first time living away from home. In Berlin I learned how to transfigure life with colours, and shiny glitter. There is 2 ways to go to Berlin, my soul friend told me once, “You can either go as a tourist, or with colours and a warm smile.” On the surface, Berlin thought me the magic of colours, and on a deeper plane, my german soul friend thought me the magic of transfiguration and creation of one’s reality.

I want to share today the story of how I met this very special person in my life. He’s in my heart, and the sole thought of him uplifts my soul and reconnects me with a vibration that is overwhelmingly loving, tender and wonderful. So this is the story of how we met. After a long journey traveling in Europe with my lovely sista, we went to our first Goa festival in Germany with nothing but some vodka and powder tang to guide our way. We arrived and saw a piece of cloth sticking out from a van to the floor and thought it would do as a base, as we didn’t have a tent.

There we were, under the rain, drinking and getting ready to party. We couldn’t have been more fortunate, as we squatted the camp were this person was staying. Eventually we met him and the first thing he told me was… “Would you like to fly?” And oh boy! I can’t believe after 5 years how much he gave me the permission needed for me to spread my wings and fly!

He was such a generous person who coloured everything and everyone around him, spreading love and good vibes to whomever came near, overflowing joy. One night we had a long, long, long talk. I was telling him about my view of the world, quite pessimistic at the time. I told him I believed everything should finish and a big meteorite should fall in the earth and kill everyone; for there was so much injustice that life wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t understand how all those kids could die hungry and there was so much inequality in the world.

During our conversation a massive shift happened in my being that shaped my years to come decisively. My friend told me a simple phrase that I’ve repeated so many times since. He said: “Change what you can change, don’t change what you cannot change, and differ both.” This changed everything for me. It put things in perspective and also placed the responsibility again in my hands. I was openned again to the world of possibilities and the realm of what I could achieve with my action, rather than feeling sad about abstract concepts that I could barely touch. His view of the world resonated with me deeply and fueled the beginning of my shifting of perception, from being a victim to being in control of my life and taking responsibility for my actions.

He said: “When you do something “bad”, you can see the result immediately. If you steel a bike from someone, you can see that person crying immediately after, action and reaction right in front of your eyes. On the other hand, when you perform a “good” deed, the result is not so immediate and maybe you won’t feel the repercussions until long after; however the effect is there, the reaction is still happening, and with a beautiful action you are changing your surroundings exponentially. The energy you put out there makes the whole difference.

My friend allowed me to aim for the best version of myself by giving me permission to access a part of me that I wasn’t so aware of. I don’t think he ever fully realised how much he’s been a turning point in my life, even though I have told him constantly throughout the years, and expressed my gratitude. I accessed a part of my being that loves to transfigurate reality on a daily basis, what was before dull and grey became a wonderful world full of shiny coloured-glitter magic! And so it has been ever since I met him six years ago.

Since I’m back in Europe, I haven’t felt this magic as much, even though I know it’s there. Perhaps I’ve been focusing too much on my shadow. Either way, the “inconvenience” which resulted in me spending a day in Berlin, allowed me to reconnect with my dear friend and put me back in contact with this strong perception of the “magic in the ordinary” once again. It’s a strong physical sensation in my body! My friend is the best magician I’ve come to know, a true artist in all the sense of the word. I call him my soul mate because somehow we resonate at the same level, I can feel him so close even when we are continents apart, and he awakens the magician in me. I’m so grateful for this mirror in my life!

Years later, I learned the tantric concept of transfiguration which means transcending the form; seeing what is behind the surface and shallow appearance to feel with one’s soul. Back then I had no name for what I was experiencing with my friend, and the world he showed me, and still shows me… mmmm….

Berlin Ich Liebe Dich!
<3

I like to believe that we all have a gift to offer the world. I believe our passions are the breadcrumbs that lead the way to that gift. After traveling for so long, I gained such perspective of what’s possible, that I’m left overwhelmed and confused with the endless possibilities. That’s one of the reasons for this blog; to strengthen my own voice and get clarity where there’s confusion.

We can manifest to the extent that we are clear. Clarity is key. I’ve been working with my passions for months and as of today my top 5 are:

When my life is ideal, I am…

1. In a tantric relationship.

2. Being fit and healthy.

3. Creating a successful online healing project.

4. Dancing and inspiring others to explore their dance.

5. Surrounded by a conscious and inspiring community.

… This or something better.

They’re progressively becoming clearer and more specific.

I have become aware about two forces that act in my life: flow and direction. All my life, I’ve been flowing with the waves of life, and that has been spectacular, thanks to God. However, it’s not satisfying anymore to flow randomly. It’s time to balance my flow with a direction, and I can’t find a better compass than my passions.

The theory is clear, and obvious… Now the practice becomes more interesting and challenging…

What are your top 5 passions? Have you ever wondered and put them on paper and full sentences?

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Ever since I broke my hand a week ago, I’ve been trying to grasp a meaning to it all. Clearly my body wants  me to have a massive STOP. When I visited Nepal, I learned to do nothing, very difficult thing to do. I saw my programming of doingness, and how uncomfortable I could feel sometimes when I had nothing to do. In Nepal it was different of course, that was a place where every aspect of life invited me to just be, in peace and traquility. Here in Brighton everything is moving constantly and fast, and I feel that there are many opportunities I should be taking.

Perhaps it was this way of thinking why my hand decided to stop. What’s the point of feeling like I’m not doing enough. This thought makes me spiral downward. So now I have again the opportunity to stop and see things differently, and create structures that will inspire me to spiral upwards instead. I’m curious to see how this structures will look like.

I’m learning to honor my cycles and rhythms. I can see my downward cycle in the face and observe it with curiosity. Now, I’d like to play with it, will be an interesting experience…

I like to think we’ve got everything right NOW to create the life of our dreams, if that’s what we desire. It takes a strong commitment to follow our dreams, and the flexibility to be able to change our perspective and really SEE what we have in front of us. I’ve always believed this with every cell of my body, and have been testing it to different degrees.

For the past three months, I’ve been experimenting with my new beginnings in the old continent. After a transformational fire in Thailand that sent me back to Europe, I started to live in this new country with the task ahead of creating myself… Very scary indeed… I have moved to new places so many times, however never like now, having a clean slate in front of me with only a backpack of experiences to mould my way.

I’ve seen my fear clearly for the first time; my fear of failure, and of being seen; of not being good enough; my fear to create the highest version of myself. It’s interesting how this fears hided silently until now life gave me the opportunity to face them, triggered by the desire to grow and put roots in the ground. We all have different versions of this fears to different degrees, and I believe it’s how we deal with them what makes the difference.

So sisters, what are those fears that are secretly waiting to be discovered in your deepest passages? If you’ve gotten a glimpse of them, how have you dealt with them? I’ve talked to so many of you and know that coming back to Europe after the glorious travels has not been easy, and that event has probably triggered a lot to arise. Personally, I felt ungrounded and scattered, and still do. However, now I have a clearer vision of where I’m walking towards, and that clarity has refreshened my entire being.

Someone wise once said: “you have to be lost to be found”. I can see the truth in that, can you?

First blog ever, first post ever, so bear with me while I get the hang of it!

Hugs sisters!
Miss your pretty selves.