Man asks woman out on a date. Woman meets man. Woman falls in love with man… and so the story begins to unfold.
It’s interesting how my life is constantly going in circles. Reading my old posts, I realize many of the same issues are still present in my life. Again I have fallen in love with a man and made him the center of my universe, to again end up resenting HIM for ME taking myself away from my own projects, needs and wants. If it feels hard for me, I can only begin to imagine how hard it must be for him to carry such burden. I can’t imagine it being easy being the center of someone else’s universe.
Of course, there are more factors at play. One the one hand, my needy I-want-a-prince-charming Colombian nature; On the other hand his both-men-and-women-are-the-same independent, cold Spanish culture. But deeper than those cultural differences, is the knowing that there is chaos inside of me. I have lost my north and only see him instead. This chaos is manifesting on my outer life, affecting inevitably our relationship.
I wonder if this repetitive cycle will ever break. What is the way out?
Sure I need to focus again on my life, prioritize my projects and do some exercise…
But what is it in my feminine nature that longs for that intense sacred union with the masculine, until there are no edges between us? Until the blazing fire of passion ends up consuming me whole. Like the moth that flies obediently to her death, allured by the light she can not avoid…
I feel like that moth, wanting to melt in the romance and forget everything else. Written like this, sounds like I’m using this fiery passion to escape the daily pains of reality.
Oh well, someday I’ll learn the lesson I hope, and trip with a different rock for a change.
In the meantime, I should definitely remember that it is my inner self that is in chaos due to the imbalance I brought myself into. It is not my lover’s fault. He’s not to blame, nor is my little inner-needy girl.
This is just life…