In my recent experience it has been interesting to find out that clarity is not all flauschy and beautiful. That resentment comes in realising the part I played in creating patterns, and situations in my life. A resentment that when unrealised, is projected outwards through the blaming of others.
As I realise that I am responsible for the creation of my situation, I resent my decisions. However, I find it a waste of energy to be in this blame and resentment for too long. I’d rather learn from my behaviour in a specific situation, in order to prevent future repetition.
A theme that comes to me now is related to my masculine energy. Throughout my life, I seeked constant validation from men. In this pattern, in the beginning everything works out fine and I receive the validation I seek. Later on, when they can no longer provide this validation, I’d often find myself in a messy situation of my own creation. I would often hand over my power and bypass my own needs, creating a dynamic from which resentment flourishes. This self-directed resentment is projected outwards towards them, given my lack of awareness when the heat is pumping through my veins.
I hear now the shout of every cell in my body asking me to make myself my priority, and cherish my power as sacred and non-transferrable. To firmly establish the intention of seeking this validation only in myself, in the form of self-love. The consistent practise of self-love fades away the need for validation in the first place anyway.
Here lies this blessing in disguise. This unpleasant situation where I find myself in now, is the key to freedom, through realisation, acceptance and compassion. The resentment gives way to compassion. There is no other way of learning. I don’t believe in failure, I never have. So why would I be all worked out because I’m learning? Between pleasantness and clarity, I choose clarity any day.